Face Your Fears

Why does every single mad scientist look the same? Why's there no variety in this field? Dr. Robotnik, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Horrible, Professor Membrane, you name a mad scientist and immediately an image is conjured in your head, right? Specifically the goggles. They ALL have these goggles. What is it about these goggles? Where did this trope come from, because I, for the life of me, cannot figure it out. Needless to say, that's what we're dealing with today. And, as with most mad scientists, this guy is one ugly son of a bitch. That's another problem isn't it? They're all typically very unattractive. Big bushy mustaches, enormous noses, their brains popping out of their fluff of electrified hair. Oh wait, that's just Dr. Latexsten here. Yeah, you might be surprised to learn that - especially since you can't see it in the main photo for this post - you can actually see his brain. Wanna see his brain? It's pretty cool. Who doesn't wanna see a...

For some reason, I kind of want to punch Sid & Marty Krofft in the face for this, even though I know it's not their fault. I know they didn't make this mask. Hell, they probably don't even know it exists. And yet...and yet this gives off such Land of the Lost vibes that I feel as though they're personally responsible for it having been birthed from the ether. It just has that stupid goddamn look on its face that screams "I'm a puppet on a cheaply produced yet incredibly influential kids show from the 70s!" and it makes my blood boil. Somebody needs to wipe this fucking smirk off this dinosaurs face. All joking aside, I actually love this mask. In fact, this might be one of my favorites in recent memory. I've always been a sucker for the weirder creatures; deep sea animals, insects, dinosaurs, those kinds of things. So whenever they're utilized in a creative manner, such as this, I can't help but love it even if it looks like he's about ...

Kids! Get your masks on! We're almost at Grandmas! You know, it surprises me just how many different monster designs have been created over the years, and I think it says something about the elasticity of what a "monster" can be that there's been so many unique takes on the concept. For instance, a monster can be a fully black mass with white hot glowing eyes, or a monster could be a tall creature with elongated limbs and sharp teeth that glint in the moonlight, or a monster can be a girl you take out multiple times who in the end ghosts you because despite saying she was looking for love what she was actually looking for was to make herself feel better at the expense of someone else (LAUREN), but no matter what your definition of a monster may be, one thing is certain: there will always be a new version of a monster. But so rarely do we get a monster that looks more like it's going to bake you cookies and tell you stories about the old days than actually do you h...

I really love old circus stuff. While everyone else suddenly seemed to gain and odd and slightly unnerving obsession with clowns online, I have always loved old circus stuff, but the stuff I love isn't clowns. It's the odder stuff. Sideshow stuff. The guys who glue two halves of an animal together to make a new animal they claim they found in the South Pacific while on a hunting trip or the guys who'll just bite the heads off a chicken while it's still alive and especially the old poster art they produced to promote their traveling horror show whenever they rolled into whatever poor unsuspecting sleepy town it was they rolled into that particular month. But there's nothing I love quite more than something with two heads. When I was a little girl, I came across a snake with two heads in my great aunts garden, and ever since then it's been just a lifelong interest of mine, the genetic mutations that are birthed from biology's seedy loins. So, when you combine ...

Read #1 / Read #2 / Read #3 / Read #4 / Read #5 / Read #6 / Read #7 There comes a time where we have to take a look back to the past and see where we've come from, and that time is right now. Welcome to yet another installment of Vintage Mask Roundup! This time, for the eighth edition, we're starting off with something that looks like it should be directly out of a mid 2000s direct to video discount bin horror movie titled something along the lines of "Hogtied" or something like that. In fact, since I don't do much research on these and take them at basically face value, it wouldn't shock me if this was actually just a still from some obscure crappy horror flick, but either way, Pig Butcher deserves to be seen. Here he is coming out of the mens room on his first day on the job (without washing his hands, might I add), ready to get back to slicing and dicing his lower brethren that we've all come to know as delicious. But Pig Butcher isn't scary....

Normally when picking masks for this blog, I would only choose things that feature the mask proper. Occasionally I'll come across one that shows the mask being utilized outside of just general photos, and I'll usually save those for the Round Ups, but this is an instance where I'm willing to break my own rules. There's just something absolutely spectacular about these photos, and the mask is a big part of why. I'll also usually avoid masks that are fairly standard and generic, such as witches, goblins, werewolves, etc, and trolls are no different. They're such a standard amongst the monsters and mask design that I simply refuse to really cover them, often because they're also not ever really done uniquely. But this set of photos, and the mask to boot, proved me wrong. Grandpa Troll here is enjoying a nice summer day on his wicker chair, watching his hideous troll grandchildren play in the yard. I think a big part of what makes this whole thing work is simply...

Every once in a while, you come across something that makes you wish that you'd either never been born, or at the very least hadn't been born with the power of sight. This is one of those times. There's just a lot to unpack with this thing, and quite frankly I'd rather hide in my closet with a revolved than spend anymore time talking about it, but this is what I do, so let's make the best of it. This mask is interesting on a few levels, but let me just say for the record that I have never found clowns creepy. Like, in the slightest. It appears to be a thing everyone else finds creepy, but it just doesn't do anything for me. Then again, I don't find much creepy, so. But then again, this isn't a regular kind of clown, is it? Look at the way this was designed. It's not just a facial covering. It's a facial covering with a face inside . There's eyes, and hair at the top. This isn't just a mask, it's a mask of a person wearing a mask. That...

"It's not a fad, mom and dad, it's a lifestyle!" And thus began the story of Punk Booooster, the scariest punk rocker this side of the afterlife. Countless women were dazzled by not only his musical but also sexual prowess, and he very quickly shot up to the top of the charts of Hell's Hot 100. You know, horror and rock and rock are very closely entwined. In the 80s, there was a plethora of horror movies literally built around heavy metal music and or certain bands. And even in all the films that weren't, the soundtracks often featured rock music. Imagery in rock and roll is often tied closely to that of the occult. Skeletons, satan, etc. So it really comes as no surprise to me that when it came to designing Halloween masks, someone eventually stumbled onto the "I'll do both at once!" model. Frankly, if anything, I'm actually more surprised it hasn't been done more often. And this mask is a great example of doing it right. It's not re...

  There's ugly, and then there's ugly . I know that werewolves aren't exactly supermodels, but I consider them to be some of the prettier monsters around. That being said, a werewolf with an overbite that bad clearly needs help, not to mention he appears to have a third eye growing out of his forehead. The peasoup green background ain't helpin' things much either. This dude's seen better days is all I'm sayin'. But even ugliness has its merits, and I say this from experience. Ugliness aside, this mask is pretty great. It's got a garish burnt orange tone, like this werewolf (whom I'm now calling Terry) was in a self tanning machine for too long, and the ears are in particular really great. The nose is... ...wait, the nose isn't a werewolf snout. Is...is Terry some kind of bat? You know what, that would make a LOT more sense, honestly. Bats are supposed to be kind of ugly, and have weird jawlines. Okay, so maybe I was wrong. Maybe Terry is some...

Sometimes you come across something that just looks like something you should never have seen. This is one of those times. As soon as I set my eyes on this thing, I just felt like I'd suddenly somehow visually unleashed a plague upon my children and my childrens children and their children and so on until my lineage would be wiped clean from time itself. Then I remembered I don't have any children, and likely sadly never will, so I'm the only one whose facing eternal consequences for this and that's not really fair, right? I mean, what fun is a curse if it doesn't effect others? Boooooring. But this mask is so terrifying that my girlfriend genuinely asked me to remove it from our recently viewed list on eBay, because she hated having to see it every single time she landed on the homepage, so I guess it is effecting someone at least. Either way, this thing is downright awful and I love it. This is barely a mask, and more just a work of sheer horror. I figure it's...

Y'know, usually I pass over Goblins because they're just not really my kind of cryptid. Nothing against them, I just don't find their designs particularly intriguing, nor do I find their color scheme all that fun to discuss, but every now and then I do come across one that tickles my funny bone, and this guy was certainly one of those. As soon as I saw him on eBay I knew I had to talk about him and his gargantuan mouth. I mean, let's be honest, this guy clearly swallows his food whole like a snake, right? That's a skill I wish I had. I want to be able to eat like a cartoon character. Just put a whole chicken in my mouth and pull out the skeleton. I think, personally, his best quality is his teeth. A lot of masks just forgo the teeth without realizing they can be an excellent accessory visually, and whoever designed this mask understood that, because those are some twisted ass chompers and they only add to the unsettling nature of this little Goblin bastard whom I...

"Mom, this year for Halloween, I wanna be zombie Christopher Lloyd!" Well, this mask is certainly the one to use if that's what you're aiming for. And what a delightful mask it isn't, isn't it? Everything about this guy puts you in a good mood when you see him. He's just got an infectious grin (and it likely is infectious, considering how long he's been dead for, please don't let him actually bite you) that you just can't help but appreciate, and those bugging piercing blue eyes that seem to say, "Trust me, I'm not undead, seriously, I won't hurt you, just come stand over here unarmed for a moment and I'll prove it." Sure, his pallor is your standard generic grey/blue mixture, which is certainly nothing new, but it could be worse, and the veins thrown on for good measure, while, again, not expertly made in any sense of the word, are a nice touch at least. In all honesty, it isn't exactly the most original mask. Lord kn...

I would imagine it's pretty easy to get lockjaw when your entire mouth is bigger than the Grand Canyon. That being said, Chomper McTooth here is an impressive specimen nonetheless, wouldn't you agree? I mean, he would make a dentists job extremely easy, and that's got to count for something . Chomper falls into that rare category of "human masks with monstrous features that makes them very offputting", but even then what is Chomper's crime? Just having a big ass jaw that makes him swallow children as easily as a python swallows a house cat? I don't think that's any reason to be slapped with a monster label, if you ask me. I mean, sure, eating children is certainly worthy of the label, but not his jaw outright. Chomper is also made all the more horrifying when you visualize what it would actually look like on a persons face. I know it's kind of hard to picture because all we have to go on is this styrofoam mannequin head encased in what appears to b...