Face Your Fears

I don't normally do animal masks on this blog. Okay sure there was that time I discussed that roach mask and that time I talked about that questionable pig , and that other time I went through all the knock off horse masks , but overall I try and steer away from things based in reality because that's boring. I wanna see stuff that's cool, stuff that's wild and monstrous! But something about this dog mask, when I spotted it (get it? spotted it? cause Spot is a dog name! 10/10 comedy here folks) was how...unnatural it looked and how uncomfortable that made me. This dog looks like a dog who will push you down a well instead of telling others you're down a well. He just looks so goddamn sinister and maniacal. So unscrupulous. Never before was I so sure a dog could look untrustworthy and kind of shifty, but lo and behold, they can. I think its the eyes. The eyes and that eerie half smile half twisted murderer grin. He just doesn't look like mans best friend. He lo...

There's exists a fine line between art and chaos, and when those two intersect, occasionally they create a magnificent thing. This is not one of those things. This is, however, magnificent in its own right for a lot of strange reasons which we'll get into immediately. Aside from what looks like The Incredible Hulk's grape flavored cousin bursting out of the computer screen, this thing raises so many questions, but the first and most important one is obviously...does this even qualify as a mask? There's certain masks that often aren't actually masks, and I feel like this one here is a pretty spotty example of that. To me, a mask is a face that goes over your own face, and while there is a face here, albeit one popping out from the world wide web probably trying to tell you about ALL THESE GREAT DEALS, it isn't really technically a "face". And I can hear someone arguing, "Well, Cyborgs would count, right? Robots would count, right? So why doesn'...

I have never been one to think bugs are gross. When I was little, my stepsister was terrified of spiders, but I've always thought of bugs and insects as my buddies, my pals, mi amigos. If I could, I'd have a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach as a pet and just let him hang out on my shoulders all day. I, admittedly, am a strange woman. But that's why this mask partly bothers me and also partly makes me extremely happy. On one hand, it bothers me that insects are seen as so grotesque, so creepy, so awful that they're perfect Halloween fodder, ranging from decorations to even a full fledged mask as seen here. On the other hand, it makes me super happy that a giant roach masks exists and that I could wear it while boning. Because I would do that. Because, as previously stated, I am a strange woman. Cockroaches are likely, if not my favorite animal, right up there, man. Right at the tippy top of the list. One of my favorite movies was based around cockroaches, the MTV cult classi...

This is the age old story of a horrible ghoulish beast, and the woman who loves him. Every now and then I come across a mask while searching for new ones to talk about that genuinely makes me shout excitably by how goddamned cool it is. Unfortunately, most of these masks are so expensive that I can't afford to buy them and add them to my own collection, which is a damn shame considering this one in particular is a perfect companion piece to the mask I bought a few months back. Alas, this is the sad world I live in. This blog isn't a for profit venture, you know. It's a hobby, something I do to get a few chuckles and admire some wicked cool art. I mean, you're certainly welcome to pay me to do this, nobody's stopping you and I'd appreciate it, but I don't expect it to happen. Unless maybe I decide to make rewards for the people who do. Make sexy photoshoots wearing these masks, dressed in skimpy nighties. That sounds good, right? You'd want that, don...

And today on "Americas Next Top SuperMonster" (a show you would totally watch, don't even try to deny it), we have beautiful Swamp Crud, hailing from the muddy backwaters of Louisiana. She's looking to change the world with her positive outlook and her hopes to start a non profit for young monsters unaware they're being discussed by goofy blogs on the internet. But in all seriousness, Swamp Crud is a magnificent design, mostly because of how goddamned funny she looks. Maybe it's just this angle, but her mouth is an oval and her teeth look like those of someone who should've had dental work done long ago. Her skin is covered in what I can only assume are moss covered maggots and her eyes appear to be falling out of their sockets. What a gorgeous creature. Swamp Crud is so wonderfully campy, in a way that all the other masks I've covered simply haven't managed to be. She looks sassy, like she's about to give me a good what for. I don't know w...

I know that it's not in my nature to cover masks on this blog that aren't just utterly bizarre and look like some weird monster out of some 50s dime store horror novel, but every now and then one crosses my path that I absolutely refuse to ignore, and such is the case with this one. There's just something so utterly wonderful about what appears to be a grizzled retired clown with a drinking problem who, for some reason we are unaware of, has a spider permanently attached to his forehead. It's glorious. And while some argument could be made that this is meant to be a vampire, what with the sharp teeth and pointy ears, I prefer to continue thinking of him as an out of work clown. I mean, a vampire with a spider on his head is kind of normal for a vampire, you know? That's what they do . That's their shtick. But a clown with a penchant for expensive whiskey and thousands of dollars in debt who one day woke up with a spider attached to his head that he can't rem...

There's absolutely no way to categorize this type of mask, so I have just come up with the categorization of putting this mask, and all masks that fall into the look a like of it, as "mother fucking awesome". Because this thing is mother fucking awesome. I mean, back before Halloween became nothing but licensed franchised superhero costumes and cosplays of all kinds, this is what you did. Companies had to actually try and make an effort to get your attention, and we got some great shit because of it. And look, I'm not going to look down on anyone who cosplays, because those people have tremendous talent and are better than a lot of actual costume designers in Hollywood I'd say, but I do miss when Halloween was more of a "I'm a bug eyed chainsaw armed mummy" and not "I wore my Shazam costume again this year." Not that there's anything at all wrong with Shazam, it was a great movie, but come on man. Bug eyed chainsaw armed mummy sounds...