Face Your Fears

Why does every single mad scientist look the same? Why's there no variety in this field? Dr. Robotnik, Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Horrible, Professor Membrane, you name a mad scientist and immediately an image is conjured in your head, right? Specifically the goggles. They ALL have these goggles. What is it about these goggles? Where did this trope come from, because I, for the life of me, cannot figure it out. Needless to say, that's what we're dealing with today. And, as with most mad scientists, this guy is one ugly son of a bitch. That's another problem isn't it? They're all typically very unattractive. Big bushy mustaches, enormous noses, their brains popping out of their fluff of electrified hair. Oh wait, that's just Dr. Latexsten here. Yeah, you might be surprised to learn that - especially since you can't see it in the main photo for this post - you can actually see his brain. Wanna see his brain? It's pretty cool. Who doesn't wanna see a...

For some reason, I kind of want to punch Sid & Marty Krofft in the face for this, even though I know it's not their fault. I know they didn't make this mask. Hell, they probably don't even know it exists. And yet...and yet this gives off such Land of the Lost vibes that I feel as though they're personally responsible for it having been birthed from the ether. It just has that stupid goddamn look on its face that screams "I'm a puppet on a cheaply produced yet incredibly influential kids show from the 70s!" and it makes my blood boil. Somebody needs to wipe this fucking smirk off this dinosaurs face. All joking aside, I actually love this mask. In fact, this might be one of my favorites in recent memory. I've always been a sucker for the weirder creatures; deep sea animals, insects, dinosaurs, those kinds of things. So whenever they're utilized in a creative manner, such as this, I can't help but love it even if it looks like he's about ...

Every once in a while, you come across something that makes you wish that you'd either never been born, or at the very least hadn't been born with the power of sight. This is one of those times. There's just a lot to unpack with this thing, and quite frankly I'd rather hide in my closet with a revolved than spend anymore time talking about it, but this is what I do, so let's make the best of it. This mask is interesting on a few levels, but let me just say for the record that I have never found clowns creepy. Like, in the slightest. It appears to be a thing everyone else finds creepy, but it just doesn't do anything for me. Then again, I don't find much creepy, so. But then again, this isn't a regular kind of clown, is it? Look at the way this was designed. It's not just a facial covering. It's a facial covering with a face inside . There's eyes, and hair at the top. This isn't just a mask, it's a mask of a person wearing a mask. That...

"Mom, this year for Halloween, I wanna be zombie Christopher Lloyd!" Well, this mask is certainly the one to use if that's what you're aiming for. And what a delightful mask it isn't, isn't it? Everything about this guy puts you in a good mood when you see him. He's just got an infectious grin (and it likely is infectious, considering how long he's been dead for, please don't let him actually bite you) that you just can't help but appreciate, and those bugging piercing blue eyes that seem to say, "Trust me, I'm not undead, seriously, I won't hurt you, just come stand over here unarmed for a moment and I'll prove it." Sure, his pallor is your standard generic grey/blue mixture, which is certainly nothing new, but it could be worse, and the veins thrown on for good measure, while, again, not expertly made in any sense of the word, are a nice touch at least. In all honesty, it isn't exactly the most original mask. Lord kn...

"Vinny, get ova' 'ere," Bobby Bloodhead said, raising his martini to his friend as he sat at the bar beside him; he continued, "Vinny, you a good kid, you got a good 'ead on your shoulders, better than mine at least, cause it ain't all bloody and gross!" And with this they chuckled, Vinny - admittedly - a tad scared to laugh at his boss's joke, but Bobby reassured him it was fine. It was just a little playful banter. Bobby Bloodhead finished his drink and pulled out a pistol, setting it on the bar between them. "Vinny," he continued, "I see a real future for you, I do. But first there's somethin' that ya gotta do for me. Can you do somethin' for me, Vinny? I need you to take care of someone that's been causin' me lotsa trouble lately. His name..." Bobby Bloodhead lit a cigar and puffed off a few rings of smoke before sucking his cheek and grinning. "...is Robby Bloodhead, and he's my twin brotha...

Poor Knife Face Tom Selleck. He's having a hard life. Can't go out to fancy restaurants, can't canoodle comfortably with his wife without possibly injuring her, can't even walk through a metal detector at an airport anymore. Hasn't the man suffered enough? This is truly an injustice. One of America's finest, most celebrated actors and now he has to put up with this? Just tragic. Utterly tragic. And what kind of monster did this? What kind of horrible human being would even want to do such a thing to a national treasure like Tom Selleck? You're a bad person and I hope you rot in hell, whoever you were. You may have broken his face, but you can't break his spirit. All joking aside, this thing is awesome. Knife Faced Tom Selleck is a pretty incredible design, and I absolutely adore it. It's not very often that I run across masks that are this gory, and the ones I do run across are so...blah, or so ordinarily gory that they aren't even remotely inter...

There's, on the surface (and, I suppose, underneath too) not really much to say about this mask in terms of it's design and it's spooky factor. It's not really bad, it's not really amazing, it's not really much of anything, but there is one thing I want to discuss and that's something I sort of touched on in my Grandpa Jones post, which is the concept of aging. For some reason, for as long as I can remember, there's been one particular type of Halloween mask that has been around, and that is the old person mask. Sometimes it's more grotesque, other times it's not really all that interesting, and sometimes, like here, it's sort of disheveled but still rather tame. And this doesn't stop at just masks, this goes all the way to the film industry where they age people using makeup to make them look older. This just...it sort of rubs me the wrong way. We live in a culture of youth. Everything always has to be new, or else it isn't ne...

There's absolutely no way to categorize this type of mask, so I have just come up with the categorization of putting this mask, and all masks that fall into the look a like of it, as "mother fucking awesome". Because this thing is mother fucking awesome. I mean, back before Halloween became nothing but licensed franchised superhero costumes and cosplays of all kinds, this is what you did. Companies had to actually try and make an effort to get your attention, and we got some great shit because of it. And look, I'm not going to look down on anyone who cosplays, because those people have tremendous talent and are better than a lot of actual costume designers in Hollywood I'd say, but I do miss when Halloween was more of a "I'm a bug eyed chainsaw armed mummy" and not "I wore my Shazam costume again this year." Not that there's anything at all wrong with Shazam, it was a great movie, but come on man. Bug eyed chainsaw armed mummy sounds...