What If Tom Selleck Had Knives In His Face

Poor Knife Face Tom Selleck. He's having a hard life.

Can't go out to fancy restaurants, can't canoodle comfortably with his wife without possibly injuring her, can't even walk through a metal detector at an airport anymore. Hasn't the man suffered enough? This is truly an injustice. One of America's finest, most celebrated actors and now he has to put up with this? Just tragic. Utterly tragic.

And what kind of monster did this? What kind of horrible human being would even want to do such a thing to a national treasure like Tom Selleck? You're a bad person and I hope you rot in hell, whoever you were. You may have broken his face, but you can't break his spirit.

All joking aside, this thing is awesome. Knife Faced Tom Selleck is a pretty incredible design, and I absolutely adore it. It's not very often that I run across masks that are this gory, and the ones I do run across are so...blah, or so ordinarily gory that they aren't even remotely interesting or worth sharing. But there's something about this, the way it was done, that really makes it stand out. I think the placement of the knives is a big part of its success. They aren't just haphazardly jammed in there, like you'd normally see. No, these things were shoved through Tom Selleck's face with force and precision. The person who committed this heinous and unspeakable act did this skillfully, and apparently are quite strong because that's a lot of head to get multiple knives through the way they managed to.

And they're all in the most painful spots too. Again, this wasn't done by an amateur. This was a professional knifer. Is that a word? Knifer? Well, for the sake of this post it is. You got one through his jaw, one through his forehead, and one straight through his eyes. But not shoved through the eye proper, no, shoved through the side of the head and then through the eyes out the other side of the head. Holy hell is that a creative way to stab somebody. And the gore on this looks actually...unpleasant. Instead of merely being being red rubber, it's actually lumpy and kind of fleshy at times and it just adds to the whole grossness of the piece overall. I really admire this.

Still, Knife Faced Tom Selleck is simply that; a man who looks like Tom Selleck if he had a bunch of knives jammed through his face. There's nothing really special or unique or interesting about this mask, it's just an extremely well made piece of work, and that's all. But even that is something to be proud of, considering, as I said above, that most of the masks that go for that "utterly gory" look wind up being just plain boring and uninspired. Perhaps it's really the inclusion of Tom Sellecks face here that makes it good. That man can make anything he's involved with better, quite frankly.

And despite looking like he's about to attempt to digest a baseball, one of the best aspects of this mask is the hair. It looks so...good? And yet, so kind of bad at the same time? Kinda like real hair, I guess. A mix somewhere between actual hair and 70s fuck van shag carpeting. And apparently Tom Selleck is a zombie, because his skin on this mask is devoid of any color. Looks like of green or grey, the kind of color skin has once someone's been dead for a few hours. But hey, even zombie knife faced Tom Selleck is better than no Tom Selleck, right? Besides, makes him just a bit more interesting, I'd say. Again, normally the kind of masks I like to cover on this blog are a lot more creative; monster types and the like, but in the end, there are times where I simply cannot ignore the brilliance of something that, on the surface, would seem so generic but when it came to execution, was actually done well, and that's why this mask is here.

Because despite the overwhelming acceptance by society of "gore" as a Halloween standard, or even a horror standard, most times it's so baseline and boring that it isn't even visually interesting. But not Knife Faced Tom Selleck. There's a charm to him, and that charm comes from a really visionary design that took something so regular and turned it into something unique. Any man could have knives in his face.

But not every man is Tom Selleck.

And that's why the mask succeeds.