Face Your Fears

For some reason, I kind of want to punch Sid & Marty Krofft in the face for this, even though I know it's not their fault. I know they didn't make this mask. Hell, they probably don't even know it exists. And yet...and yet this gives off such Land of the Lost vibes that I feel as though they're personally responsible for it having been birthed from the ether. It just has that stupid goddamn look on its face that screams "I'm a puppet on a cheaply produced yet incredibly influential kids show from the 70s!" and it makes my blood boil. Somebody needs to wipe this fucking smirk off this dinosaurs face. All joking aside, I actually love this mask. In fact, this might be one of my favorites in recent memory. I've always been a sucker for the weirder creatures; deep sea animals, insects, dinosaurs, those kinds of things. So whenever they're utilized in a creative manner, such as this, I can't help but love it even if it looks like he's about ...

I would imagine it's pretty easy to get lockjaw when your entire mouth is bigger than the Grand Canyon. That being said, Chomper McTooth here is an impressive specimen nonetheless, wouldn't you agree? I mean, he would make a dentists job extremely easy, and that's got to count for something . Chomper falls into that rare category of "human masks with monstrous features that makes them very offputting", but even then what is Chomper's crime? Just having a big ass jaw that makes him swallow children as easily as a python swallows a house cat? I don't think that's any reason to be slapped with a monster label, if you ask me. I mean, sure, eating children is certainly worthy of the label, but not his jaw outright. Chomper is also made all the more horrifying when you visualize what it would actually look like on a persons face. I know it's kind of hard to picture because all we have to go on is this styrofoam mannequin head encased in what appears to b...

Let's be honest, this guy looks like an outright criminal. The combination of the bad teeth, the enormous nose, the warts and the beanie, this guy is the epitome of cartoon criminal, right? I can't be the only one who feels this way, can I? It's almost a stereotype it's so spot on, really. But you know the real highlight of this mask? The tag. As much as I love the masks I cover, often I admit the supplemental material comes through in spades just as much if not more, and this tag is a prime example of that. Despite having absolutely no identifying company names on it, it's extremely eye catching; a bright almost goldenrod color, with the most generic text one can muster, it reads thusly: "For a professional look, before using apply greaseless stage makeup or makeup stick around the eyes. MADE IN USA. Available in stores that want the best for their customers." There's a lot to unpack in just those 3 brief sentence fragments, so let's take it one a...

There's exists a fine line between art and chaos, and when those two intersect, occasionally they create a magnificent thing. This is not one of those things. This is, however, magnificent in its own right for a lot of strange reasons which we'll get into immediately. Aside from what looks like The Incredible Hulk's grape flavored cousin bursting out of the computer screen, this thing raises so many questions, but the first and most important one is obviously...does this even qualify as a mask? There's certain masks that often aren't actually masks, and I feel like this one here is a pretty spotty example of that. To me, a mask is a face that goes over your own face, and while there is a face here, albeit one popping out from the world wide web probably trying to tell you about ALL THESE GREAT DEALS, it isn't really technically a "face". And I can hear someone arguing, "Well, Cyborgs would count, right? Robots would count, right? So why doesn'...

If you grew up when I did, and was online at the age I was, you most likely remember the internets overly bizarre fascination with Ninjas. For some reason everything was Ninjas. Pirates vs Ninjas. Ask A Ninja. The list goes on and on and on. And, while I'm certainly not against Ninjas, not in the abstract anyway, I also was never a huge fan of Kung-Fu films in general. I liked a few here and there, but they overall just weren't my cup of tea. It just isn't really my genre, and I say that as a giant film geek. But that's absolutely what this mask reminds me of. The lead from a sort of Muppet led kung-fu film, which I would absolutely watch, no questions asked. Overall, it's just cartoony enough to not be boring and just goofy enough to not be realistic (okay, I mean, let's be real, this sort of thing was never going to be realistic), it's just a fantastic overall design. I love that they gave him large pointy elf ears in addition to everything else, even thou...

This is the age old story of a horrible ghoulish beast, and the woman who loves him. Every now and then I come across a mask while searching for new ones to talk about that genuinely makes me shout excitably by how goddamned cool it is. Unfortunately, most of these masks are so expensive that I can't afford to buy them and add them to my own collection, which is a damn shame considering this one in particular is a perfect companion piece to the mask I bought a few months back. Alas, this is the sad world I live in. This blog isn't a for profit venture, you know. It's a hobby, something I do to get a few chuckles and admire some wicked cool art. I mean, you're certainly welcome to pay me to do this, nobody's stopping you and I'd appreciate it, but I don't expect it to happen. Unless maybe I decide to make rewards for the people who do. Make sexy photoshoots wearing these masks, dressed in skimpy nighties. That sounds good, right? You'd want that, don...

There's something absolutely cartoonish about this guy. Almost like a character right out of Tex Avery. Maybe it's the awesome green swirls in his eyes or the tongue hanging out, or the gigantic teeth, but whatever it is (or maybe it's a combination of all three), he's so wonderfully comic that he had to be discussed here. First of all, the molding on this is absolutely phenomenal, like, leagues above any other mask I've ever covered. This thing looks like a cartoon character come to life, it's that good. The way his eye ridges extend over the top of his irises and the way there's that sag underneath, like he's got permanent bags is just fantastic. The nose is wonderfully done too, such a strange yet original shape and I love the little freckles on it. And of course the jaw. Oh the jaw. This is what I'd imagine Bigfoot might look like if he just saw a really attractive lady Bigfoot. But what I really like best about him is that he doesn't really ...

I'm an artist. I've been an artist ever since I was a little girl. I used to draw my own comic books and staple them together, I used to make videos with the few friends I had, actual ongoing plot based videos, and a whole lot more. I'm not averse to art, I absolutely love art and I think it's crucial in our world, especially in todays world which is filled with nothing but ugliness, we need that beauty and that simplicity. But then...every once in a while...there's a piece that's created that's utterly terrifying and baffling. Take, for example, this mask which I've named The Lovely Terror. This appears to be a homemade craft made on, what looks like, an old paper plate. Those rough kind your grandparents would generally have around the house. I could be totally wrong, especially seeing as I only have this singular image of said mask to go off of, but that's just my guess. The fact that there's an entire smile but only a small slit in the m...