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I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me, I'm Gonna Turn Into A Bug




I have never been one to think bugs are gross.

When I was little, my stepsister was terrified of spiders, but I've always thought of bugs and insects as my buddies, my pals, mi amigos. If I could, I'd have a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach as a pet and just let him hang out on my shoulders all day. I, admittedly, am a strange woman. But that's why this mask partly bothers me and also partly makes me extremely happy. On one hand, it bothers me that insects are seen as so grotesque, so creepy, so awful that they're perfect Halloween fodder, ranging from decorations to even a full fledged mask as seen here. On the other hand, it makes me super happy that a giant roach masks exists and that I could wear it while boning. Because I would do that. Because, as previously stated, I am a strange woman.

Cockroaches are likely, if not my favorite animal, right up there, man. Right at the tippy top of the list. One of my favorite movies was based around cockroaches, the MTV cult classic "Joe's Apartment", one of the most interesting games I ever played was an old PC title called "Bad Mojo" sees you turn into a roach and go on a gross point and click puzzle adventure, and one of my favorite books, Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" is based around a man turning INTO (well, presumably, as the insect in the book is rather vaguely described) a cockroach. As a kid I thought that would be so cool! Go to bed, wake up the next morning and boom, you're a giant cockroach! Awesome. Sadly, childhood dreams rarely come true. At least mine never did, anyway. So the fact that my love for the insect is coupled with my love for an art like masks, oh boy, it's sweet, sweet bliss when things come together in that beautiful way.

I won't lie, the first time I saw this mask, I genuinely lost my cool. I still haven't found my cool, either, so if anyone out there locates it, please return it to me ASAP. I couldn't believe me eyes, a cockroach mask?! You have to be kidding me! And, as with many masks on this blog, if it hadn't been the cost of multiple monthly paychecks, I would've snatched him right up. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Seems my adulthood dreams come true about as often as my childhood dreams did. Pretty good track record, I've got here, huh? The crafting on this thing is impeccable, man. It looks like an insect. Now, I admit, it's rather hard to make an anthropomorphic insect that doesn't look like an insect, because insects are extremely particular. It's not like making an anthro dog or cat, where you just make a sexy person and then slap some cat or dog like features on them. And if you DON'T think I wouldn't sleep with a 6 foot tall realistic anthropomorphic cockroach, then you don't know me. I have a big furry art collection, okay? Don't judge me. But even then, I'm so happy to see that they didn't even attempt that here. This bad boy? ALL BUG, BABY.

It's realistically designed, it's realistically colored, the feelers, the mandibles, the eyes. This is about as close to being a roach in real life as one can get, I'd imagine, without some truly horrifying "The Fly" level body modifications. It even has a sheen on it that real roaches have, which presumably could just be because of what it's made out of, but either way I truly appreciate. Hell, I would just wear this thing around in my day to day life, matched with a cute dress, because why not? Who says I CAN'T just be a weird giant roach lady at the grocery store? Honestly, I wish this was a trend. I wish we'd see more insects as realistic masks. Insects are really tied into the holiday of Halloween, and horror in general, and are often used as decorative pieces for the holiday but rarely are they used for masks, and I think that's something that should change pronto. Imagine a realistic large ant mask. That'd shit would be cash money, dawg. Or any insect, really, they're all really cool looking. Ants, Roaches, Flies (I know these sort of exist at least, I've seen a few here and there) and more.
 
Lord knows there's no shortage of insect horror movies, ranging from Squirm, Slither (that one I suppose is debatable as it's sort of alien more than straight up insect, but still I'd argue it counts), THEM! and Eight Legged Freaks, and even something like The Fly, which is definitely more humanoid insectoid than just regular insect. So yeah, insects and horror? They go hand in hand. So why not have more masks featuring our cute creepy crawly friends? Maybe I should start a petition. That does something, right? That isn't a total fucking waste of time and web space?
 
On the whole, I wish I could buy this mask. I wish I could own this mask and wear this mask in my day to day life. I'm so happy that someone made this thing, and that they made it so perfectly realistic that it simply looks like a giant Roach and not some cartoonish Roach. I am so happy this mask exists somewhere in the world, even if that somewhere isn't my bedroom. And I'm sure there are other insect masks that exist that I simply haven't run across, and if there are and you happen to come across them, I'd really appreciate you sending them to me because that's something I really need to be made more aware of. But until I can smooch this Roach on his cute little mandibles, the world of masks will forever be a darker place. A brighter place, certainly, because they exist in it, but a darker place nonetheless.

Fuck, I'm depressed.
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