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Ugly Terry

 

There's ugly, and then there's ugly.

I know that werewolves aren't exactly supermodels, but I consider them to be some of the prettier monsters around. That being said, a werewolf with an overbite that bad clearly needs help, not to mention he appears to have a third eye growing out of his forehead. The peasoup green background ain't helpin' things much either. This dude's seen better days is all I'm sayin'. But even ugliness has its merits, and I say this from experience. Ugliness aside, this mask is pretty great. It's got a garish burnt orange tone, like this werewolf (whom I'm now calling Terry) was in a self tanning machine for too long, and the ears are in particular really great. The nose is...

...wait, the nose isn't a werewolf snout. Is...is Terry some kind of bat? You know what, that would make a LOT more sense, honestly. Bats are supposed to be kind of ugly, and have weird jawlines. Okay, so maybe I was wrong. Maybe Terry is some kind of hideous bat monster. Whatever he is, he's hideous, and he's all the better for it.

Usually when a mask winds up this displeasing visually, it actually hurts it, but in this case, I think it helps. I mean, monsters are supposed to be grotesque. Sure, he's got both a receding hairline AND a mullet somehow, but overall this is the appropriate amount of ugly for a monster. I don't have any information on who actually designed this monstrosity, but I assure you, they did a great job. A for effort, definitely.

To me, though, the teeth are the clear winning aspect of this design. The teeth are what really make it stand out. Sure, that third eye or whatever it is is weird, certainly, but those teeth...if you saw this thing shambling down your hallway towards you at 4am, you'd be both terrified and concerned. Terrified for your own safety, but concerned for their lack of dental care.

Any creature with teeth that just jut out like that is a winner in my book. Far too often the teeth in masks are completely ignored, and I think that's a crime, because teeth are an important aspect of the face. You'll see way too many masks designed with spooky smiles or weird mouths, but then have ordinary teeth. That's not scary. Throw some chompers in there, man. This mother fucker's got a Fright Night smile. Go for the gold, let's scare some kids.

And I have to point out the hair.

This hair is glorious. It looks like a bad David Lee Roth wig, and I for one am so grateful for that. This bat is a goddamned superstar, if you ask me. Again, better wigs would make better masks, but sometimes shitty is actually the right choice to go with. Besides, they clearly put all their effort into designing and molding and sculpting the mask itself, and then just slapped this wig on the back of it, and I think that's super funny. Whether Terry's a bat or a werewolf, one thing is for sure...he's a rock god.

All in all, Ugly Terry is both a sin against beauty and peak prettiness.

Still curious about that third eye though. What is that thing? Is it even an eye? The world may never know. Maybe he uses it to reflect back to us our own hideousness when we make fun of him. Stand there, point and jeer at Ugly Terry, and suddenly you'll see just how ugly you really are. Not because you're ugly looks wise, but because you're ugly in the heart for laughing at someone else's deformity. Ugly Terry just wants everyone to feel beautiful and get along, and goddammit, that's something we owe him.

Hasn't he suffered enough?

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