Face Your Fears

  There's ugly, and then there's ugly . I know that werewolves aren't exactly supermodels, but I consider them to be some of the prettier monsters around. That being said, a werewolf with an overbite that bad clearly needs help, not to mention he appears to have a third eye growing out of his forehead. The peasoup green background ain't helpin' things much either. This dude's seen better days is all I'm sayin'. But even ugliness has its merits, and I say this from experience. Ugliness aside, this mask is pretty great. It's got a garish burnt orange tone, like this werewolf (whom I'm now calling Terry) was in a self tanning machine for too long, and the ears are in particular really great. The nose is... ...wait, the nose isn't a werewolf snout. Is...is Terry some kind of bat? You know what, that would make a LOT more sense, honestly. Bats are supposed to be kind of ugly, and have weird jawlines. Okay, so maybe I was wrong. Maybe Terry is some...

Sometimes you come across something that just looks like something you should never have seen. This is one of those times. As soon as I set my eyes on this thing, I just felt like I'd suddenly somehow visually unleashed a plague upon my children and my childrens children and their children and so on until my lineage would be wiped clean from time itself. Then I remembered I don't have any children, and likely sadly never will, so I'm the only one whose facing eternal consequences for this and that's not really fair, right? I mean, what fun is a curse if it doesn't effect others? Boooooring. But this mask is so terrifying that my girlfriend genuinely asked me to remove it from our recently viewed list on eBay, because she hated having to see it every single time she landed on the homepage, so I guess it is effecting someone at least. Either way, this thing is downright awful and I love it. This is barely a mask, and more just a work of sheer horror. I figure it's...

Double double, toil and trouble Fire burn and caldron bubble. Forehead of a fenny snake Does a funny mask it make! Hey guys, it's been a while, hasn't it? An addendum before we begin, this blog was supposed to start getting updates again last Friday, but I got violently ill halfway through the week and wasn't capable of doing any work come Friday afternoon, hence here we are. Sorry about that. Anyway, let's talk about this glorious piece of work, shall we? This is a Topstone mask, and the reason I know this is a Topstone mask is because I specifically searched for Topstone masks and this was one of the ones that came up as a result, and boy howdy am I glad it did because this is easily an all time great. Oh sure, we've had a man with a spider on his head , we've had a Vampire with a bat on his head , and we've had a creature with other heads on his head , but this is the first time we've run into someone with a snake on their head, and ya know what? It...

Y'know, usually I pass over Goblins because they're just not really my kind of cryptid. Nothing against them, I just don't find their designs particularly intriguing, nor do I find their color scheme all that fun to discuss, but every now and then I do come across one that tickles my funny bone, and this guy was certainly one of those. As soon as I saw him on eBay I knew I had to talk about him and his gargantuan mouth. I mean, let's be honest, this guy clearly swallows his food whole like a snake, right? That's a skill I wish I had. I want to be able to eat like a cartoon character. Just put a whole chicken in my mouth and pull out the skeleton. I think, personally, his best quality is his teeth. A lot of masks just forgo the teeth without realizing they can be an excellent accessory visually, and whoever designed this mask understood that, because those are some twisted ass chompers and they only add to the unsettling nature of this little Goblin bastard whom I...

"Mom, this year for Halloween, I wanna be zombie Christopher Lloyd!" Well, this mask is certainly the one to use if that's what you're aiming for. And what a delightful mask it isn't, isn't it? Everything about this guy puts you in a good mood when you see him. He's just got an infectious grin (and it likely is infectious, considering how long he's been dead for, please don't let him actually bite you) that you just can't help but appreciate, and those bugging piercing blue eyes that seem to say, "Trust me, I'm not undead, seriously, I won't hurt you, just come stand over here unarmed for a moment and I'll prove it." Sure, his pallor is your standard generic grey/blue mixture, which is certainly nothing new, but it could be worse, and the veins thrown on for good measure, while, again, not expertly made in any sense of the word, are a nice touch at least. In all honesty, it isn't exactly the most original mask. Lord kn...

I would imagine it's pretty easy to get lockjaw when your entire mouth is bigger than the Grand Canyon. That being said, Chomper McTooth here is an impressive specimen nonetheless, wouldn't you agree? I mean, he would make a dentists job extremely easy, and that's got to count for something . Chomper falls into that rare category of "human masks with monstrous features that makes them very offputting", but even then what is Chomper's crime? Just having a big ass jaw that makes him swallow children as easily as a python swallows a house cat? I don't think that's any reason to be slapped with a monster label, if you ask me. I mean, sure, eating children is certainly worthy of the label, but not his jaw outright. Chomper is also made all the more horrifying when you visualize what it would actually look like on a persons face. I know it's kind of hard to picture because all we have to go on is this styrofoam mannequin head encased in what appears to b...

When you're down in Coolsville, be aware that you're also deep in Rubbertown, where the meanest, slickest gangs of monsters meet. This guy, Johnny Horns, is the head (not to be cute) of the toughest gang around, and he's a pretty decent guy despite that leader role. Sure he may act tough, he may ride a motorcycle and have a bedazzled leather jacket that bears the phrase "Kill The Plastics", but otherwise he's a good guy to have around. Johnny Horns isn't a bad guy any means. He's got a good set of morals and a decent head on his head on his shoulders, but that doesn't mean he won't fuck you up and sideways if you cross him or hurt any of his family. He's tough, but he's fair, and he'll give you two shakes of a lambs tail before he brings the hammer of rubber justice down on you hard. Seriously though, this thing is great. It's such a unique design. It's missing a jaw, first of all, despite being a mask you wear around your w...