Vintage Mask Roundup #6

Read #1 / Read #2 / Read #3 / Read #4 / Read #5

 Here we are yet again, with the sixth installment of Vintage Mask Roundup!

Tallman Jones as I've come to call him, is the first boy in our lineup this time, and man is he tall. Like, obnoxiously so, actually. Why does this photo overall look like something someone took in the dead of night in a mental ward? Everything about this from the pine board walls to the tissuebox shoes to the mask - DEAR GOD THE MASK - makes me so completely unsettled. Job well done I suppose? Let's talk about that mask, man. Hovering somewhere between an executioners mask and a gimp mask, this thing is the absolute epitome of uncomfortable. Like, if the word "uncomfortable" ever took on a physical manifestation, it would be this goddamned mask. And you'd probably punch it right in its horrifying face, let's be honest.

The tallness only adds to the whole creepy vibe, not to mention he's got no arms! He's just a tall white sheet of faceless terror coming at you down a long foreboding hallway in the dead of night, but at least you can run away and he can't grab you I guess. Try and look at the positives I suppose, right? Though, if we're being honest, I'm not sure there's too many positives to begin with in regards to this thing, so.

Either way, Tallman Jones is a nightmare in and of himself. And he probably gives himself nightmares ever single time he sees himself in the mirror.

You know, one of the things people often say in response to how older generations survived is "they did the best they had with what was available to them at the time", and in many cases this is a fair assessment to make, but why is every single vintage Halloween photo the exception to this statement? Because fuck me man, they're downright terrifying. Nobody, I don't care what time period you hail from, should ever ever do anything like this. This one is really offputting because it's clearly from the 60s to the 70s maybe? I'm not good with time. But the masks look like something a modern artist would create. They're so very ahead of their time. And again, made out of what was available.

 

They look like something the Eames company would've produced had they not been in the furniture business, an almost mid century modernism look. The two visuals combined clash so dang hard that it's jarring and makes you almost do a double take.

I also like the fact that this photo just has adult women. Most of the time in these photos it's men, or even more often than not it's children, so it's nice to see some grown ass woman participating in the horrifying history of terrifying homemade mask production. They look like grocery bags, and I think more than anything the real disquieting discomfort comes from the sharp jaws they created. Not the mouths they drew on - though those are terrifying in their own right - but the actual jawline shape they managed to produce out of said grocery bag. Jagged and triangular, it just looks so...wrong. And yet, so very right. Well done ladies. Well done.

No, you didn't really see this. I'm not covering this. Just keep scrolling. Allow whatever strange sacrificial bullshit is happening here to not worry you. Let's move on.

Yet again proving that farmland and terror just go hand in hand, here's a group photo of what appears to be a family of mutated children who await their awakening every October from their slumber to once again feast on the children who dare step ground on their farmland. 

I think what makes this one so weird is just the vague ass age range. You've got 3 kids that look relatively the same age, judging by their height (which is all we have to go on since their faces have been absolutely taken over by whatever lives on them now) and yet there's then someones little sibling being dragged along with them because their mom is too busy to pay attention to them tonight.

So instead this gang of tiny terrors roams the countryside looking to add new kids to their ghoulish group, and I for one am here for it and welcome our new tiny terrifying overlords.

As if I needed another valid reason to dislike babies.

Yeah, you heard me. I'm a grown woman who dislikes babies. I have never found babies cute. In fact, if anything, this is merely an improvement on the concept of a baby, and I sort of wish they all looked like this. Except, taking a closer look, this doesn't look like a real child. The hands, the feet, the weird demon toothed doll beneath them...something's very off here, and I don't think it's the clown mask. I think this is in fact a doll of some kind in a cartoonish pumpkin faced onesie with a clown mask on its head, and you know what?

Still more acceptable than a real baby.

I'd welcome this awful little critter into my home with open arms. I would raise them as my own and I would feed them when they're hungry. Sure the neighbors might complain about the screams and the stench, but anything is worth it for my demon clown doll child.

That's another vintage mask roundup here at Face Your Fears. We'll see yet another in a handful of posts, I guarantee. Until then, wear masks, take photos and traumatize those around you. You never know. One day, when I'm still doing this blog 30 years down the road (because let's face it, I'm never escaping this) you might just wind up on here.