Vintage Mask Roundup #5

Read #1 / Read #2 / Read #3 / Read #4

Well folks, it's been a wild year hasn't it? Here we are, ending our years at post #49, and we're going out with yet another edition of Vintage Mask Roundup. And what better way to kick things off than with our good friend here, Wicker Man Reject? That mask is so shoddy, so very poorly carved, that you can't help but feel somewhat unnerved by it. It looks like something a cult who worships animals and sacrifices people in the woods to their animal god would wear. So, you know, The Wicker Man. But when put together with the rest of the costume, it's pretty great as a whole, honestly. I try to shy away from entire costumes, but this one had such a beautifully eerie mask, and the fact its shot in black and white doesn't hurt the spook factor certainly, that I couldn't resist to include it in this post.

Honestly though, even with its inherent creepiness, this is likely the most tame photo of the bunch, so, you know, prepare yourselves for the horrors that await with each passing scroll of your mouse wheel. It only gets worse from here. And speaking of getting worse from here...

...it's Big Chubs! No idea what Big Chubs is going for here, but good lord if it's 'terrifying' then they succeeded in spades because the utter lack of any distinct concept here is downright terrifying. I can't make heads or tails of this, because they don't seem to have a cohesive head and thank god they don't - or at least don't seem to - have a tail. But what is with that junk in the front? And why do they appear to have a belt around them, seemingly holding the two halves of their body together as one cohesive unit? Are they like that old urban legend of the girl with the ribbon around her neck that holds her head to her shoulders? If I take that belt off, will the top half tumble off the bottom? AND WHERE IS THEIR FACE?! Their face is completely darkened like it was burnt to a crisp and then wrapped in a towel! What is going on in this image dear god somebody help me.

They appear to be seared in a kitchen, perhaps the kitchen of their latest victim after ingesting them, but honestly the setting doesn't answer anymore questions than it raises. This is wholly unnerving in every sense of the word because absolutely none of it - not the costume, not the background and certainly not the charred remains of what used to be a face - give you anymore context to make it any less spooky. I hate this. I hate that I saw this, and so now I'm making you see it. You're welcome.

 And speaking of horrors in the household, let's move right along here to yet another unsettling, though nowhere near as much, image featuring Granny Grotesque and her Abode of Abominations. I hesitated using this image at first because, at first glance, it looked sort of like a blackface mask and that's not alright, but upon closer inspection, it just seems like a general creepy mask that happens to be somewhat exaggerated and black. Forgive me if I wind up being wrong, of course, but I think we're in the clear here. The creepiest part of this image though is how the mask is looking straight at the camera while the rest of her stands at the side. She looks like someone who, if you were tricked into her home, she would serve you a dinner made entirely of the ones you love.

"Here, darling, eat some of this Auntie Patricia Pot Pie. You're skin and bones, manja!"

The fact that there's nobody else in the photo (aside from the shadow of, I'm assuming, the person who took this photo to the side) and the fact that the garage door is open as she awaits unsuspecting children to wander in because they think they smell fresh baked cookies before they realize far too late that they're soon to be the delicious treats, just makes it all the more unnerving.

I don't like this.

NOW we're into some uncanny valley territory.

Boy howdy, round up your horses and let's start a petrifying posse, boys, because here comes Good Ol' Farmer Fear! Honestly, the fact that this mask is so clearly a mask is what makes it so terrifying when offset by the reality of everything else around it, which is somewhat hilarious when you consider the problem with all the previous masks was their unreality being what made them so unsettling. Also the pose is absolutely spectacular, with the crossed arms, the perfectly matched plaid shirt and the sheer emptiness of the room they appear to be seated in. The fact that there's virtually nothing in there with him, besides what appears to be an old dresser and a box record player. I love everything about this because, despite the fact that Good Ol' Farmer Fear would likely stab me in the eyes with a pitchfork, he looks so perfectly friendly, and that's his biggest plus. He looks like a man you could trust. But you can't trust him one iota.

So if you ever find yourself needing a place to sleep for the night when your car runs out of gas late at night on an empty dirt road, sleep in your car and not Good Ol' Farmer Fear's barn, because you won't be treated to a lovely breakfast, you'll be the lovely breakfast.

But my absolute favorite of the post has to be Thug Skull here. Hands down the singular best photo of the whole lot, simply because of the kick-ass attitude that emanates out of it. He looks like a kid during the 70s in England, ready to give disrespect and lip to any and all sources of presumed 'authority'. Carrying a sweet hammer, a big grin on his eyeless face, he's ready to wreck shit and I love him for it, but really what's particularly spectacular about this mask is the tiny hat that he comes with. That goddamned tiny hat makes the whole thing, honestly. And while it looks like a plastic mask - likely was given when this was seemingly photographed - because you can sort of see the kids head behind it, it doesn't matter, because the overall coolness that he gives off overshadows any and all possible forms of faults or flaws with it. I absolutely love this shot, and I sincerely hope Thug Skull is still out there, somewhere, running beneath the flickering England streetlights, vanishing into the thick fog of night, as he continues to fight for justice and kill anyone who disagrees.

Fight on, Thug Skull.

Fight on you magnificent son of a bitch.