Often, when I'm doing my general search through eBay for new masks to cover on this blog, I'll run across something that really shouldn't exist for any real good reason. Usually I simply ignore these and continue scrolling, but I think at this point it's time to talk about what a prevalent issue this has become in the mask world, because my god is it overwhelming me. I've dubbed these types of masks The Masked Terror, and, unfortunately, they are not a badass vigilante group fighting the injustice of the government. Instead, they're merely a collection of masks that terrify and confuse the hell out of us all, and I don't think I should have to suffer alone with this anymore, so I'm taking you with me.
Think of this as a sort of "Vintage Mask Roundup" or that one post I did about all the variants of horse masks ("The Necessary To Cry Coral"), because it's obviously not a normal post where I just focus on one mask, but instead a subgroup of a whole lot of similarly designed masks. We'll be back to regular schedule next Friday, but for today, let's get this trainwreck started.
The one I used as the primary image for this post isn't the first one I ever came across, nor will it likely be the last. But it's perhaps somehow the worst of them all at the same time, because it's the only one that's seemingly overtly sexual in nature. I mean, those rolled back half eyes, that open mouth and, of course, a hole right where...well, I don't need to spell it out. You've all taken sex ed. I know, I know, the mouth hole is so the wearer can breath, but I guarantee you that ain't what people have used it for.
The design of this thing overall just makes me so very wildly uncomfortable. I'm not a prude, by any means. I may be a tad more modest than my peers tend to be, but even then I'm willing to talk openly about sex and have even had sex in some surprising places, but still, this thing...it gives me the willies. Which is likely what it gets most often. Alright, enough dick jokes, I swear, I'm done. And it isn't even really all that well made. The proportions are goofy, the shaping is strange and the art itself is just so very basic and poorly done. I know it's rare that I talk shit about masks on here, but goddammit, sometimes it's necessary.
So instead, let's move onto the more cupie doll variants, shall we? Because, alright, this is way better produced, but that doesn't excuse the fact that it's still an absolute monstrosity of terror. There's not even eyes, there's just fishnet sitting where the eyes would be, so you can see the wearer inside the mask, thus giving the whole thing a serial killeresque vibe. Thankfully this one isn't anywhere near as sexual, but it's still incredibly uncomfortable, right? It's not just me, these are creepy.
Again, freckles, eyebrows, lips, all the same shit, just as minimalist but way better done. Look, I get it, freckles and lashes are cute. Lord knows I love me a lady with freckles. But these things? These are absolute nightmare machines. There's just something so inherently untrustworthy about them at first glance. Maybe it's the baby face shape they were designed on, maybe it's the fact that human beings shouldn't generally wear masks of human beings, I mean that's the sort of thing you only do if you plan to kill someone or rob a bank, right? Otherwise you stick with monsters and pre-existing characters from IP.
But hey, at least like I said this one is better made and because of that I can't just shit on it outright. Some craftsmanship went into this one, and I can appreciate the level of artistry on display here, even if its not something that no amount of artistry should ever be used to display.
And then there's this variant.
Now, to be fair, this is very likely a Kabuki mask of some sort, so I can't make too much fun of it because it's actually part a cultural tradition and that would just be cruel. Besides, artistically and visually, this is at least interesting, even if it's just as unnerving as all the others, if not more so in some regards thanks to the inclusion of nostrils and the super tiny smiley mouth. Also the fact that it seems to thin out towards the top, almost as if they ran out of material while making it. I'm no expert on Kabuki masks, so perhaps that's a style that's done often, I don't know, but most of the ones I have seen don't look like that. They're full faced masks.
Either way, this is likely the most terrifying to me personally. The first one is obnoxiously dumb, and the second is just sort of eerie but this one is downright cripplingly scary. If I saw this staring at me from a dark hallway, I'd likely pee myself and then run for my life, and perhaps in that exact order even. The stylistic choices here are what save it, though. The very things that make it spooky are also what make it cool; whether it's the interesting eye design, that tiny little grin or the light pink shading splashed in very specific areas on it. Hey man, it at least gets point for being totally original, and that's more than I can say for the other two.
On the whole, these mask designs - the whole weird human face thing - are just...strange to me. As I said, to me, a mask should represent a creature, an animal, a monster, or a character from something if you're just that creatively bankrupt. So to wear essentially an exaggerated face of a human being? It's just...odd, I guess. I don't really know how exactly to put it, but it feels somehow illegal. And don't even get me started on those latex sex masks people own. That's a whole other fucking issue I don't ever wanna touch with a ten foot pole. I don't know what the fresh fuck is going on there, but whatever it is, it can stay as far away from me as possible.
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