Adolf Dhamer

There are a few times in life where you come across things that you feel have cursed you. This is one of those times. This thing...this fucking thing...feels so overtly evil and ominous that I feel like my life will never recover now from having laid my bare eyes upon it. Nothing - and I mean absolutely nothing - is right about this mask, and that's what makes it so magnificently frightening. So downright utterly despicable. Is that blood on his lower face, or did someone drop him in a puddle of juice? Why is the upper section of his head so much more detailed than anywhere else? Why's the forehead have so many wrinkles, while the rest of him is as smooth as a babies bottom? WHY DOES HIS MUSTACHE LOOK LIKE SHEDDED DOG FUR ON A PIECE OF VELCRO??? What happened here.

Well, as always, it's my job to get to the bottom of this thing, so let's begin, shall we? This abomination, otherwise known from here on out as Adolf Dhamer, is quite possibly the single most horrific piece of work I've come across while doing this blog, and that's saying something, considering I also came across this thing at one point in time. There's nothing really amazing about this design, after all, it's just a face. But there's also something totally super not right about it, and that's what makes it worth discussing. Because, to look at this thing, you know that your eyes are viewing something that should never have been seen by anyone, yet that someone took the time to make. I think, aside from the obvious rather unnerving things like his bloodied face and that weird ass mustache, the thing that bothers me the most personally is how wrinkly it is. Someone went out of their way to make this guy wrinkly, but only in a very specific spot, not the entire face, and that's what bothers me most about this aspect.

The top of his face and the bottom half of his face are so out of sync with one another, because one half is supermodel smooth and the other looks like old man ass. Why not just go all out with the wrinkles? Why not just commit to the bit and make him wrinkly all over? And moreover, I'm still not entirely sure whether or not the red stuff is part of the design or something that happened somehow over time. But yeah, the fact that his forehead and upper face are so detailed, while the rest of him is so lacking in detail, is really unnerving to me. It's like the sculptor just gave up midway through, not that I would blame him. He probably realized what it was he was creating and fled in the night, never to return.

But you know what unnerves me even more than anything else? Oh sure, the mask is terrifying, Adolf Dhamer is a force to be reckoned with. Whether it's his shockingly overly detailed wrinkled forehead or that blood stained chin that he swears is just cranberry juice, the thing that actually bothers me the most isn't even part of the mask itself. Let's talk about why the fuck this mannequin head has hair. No mannequin head I've ever come across has had hair, and it's not even part of the mask, which makes the whole thing like 10x more terrifying and confusing.

And why does this thing look even more evil from the side?! It's like one of those optical illusions busts inside The Haunted Mansion that follow you no matter where you go, their gaze inescapable. Between the mask itself and the weird ass mannequin head they attached it to, the two halves come together to create an entire whole that, frankly, shouldn't exist in either form, separated or not. This entire thing is the result of a god who left us long ago, a god that we forsaken, a god who saw what we had created, turned their back and said, "Good luck, you're on your own", and, frankly, who could blame them. This thing is the manifestation of evil incarnate, and we should all be so lucky if we too could leave behind a world, a people, who would create such unmitigated horrors.

The eyes. Dear god the eyes. So vacant, so under detailed. I think that's the thing that bothers me the absolute most with this mask is how they didn't go for broke on the entire thing, only portions of the thing. Some parts are detailed, other parts are not, and it's that combination of underdeveloped and overdeveloped that really make it so uniquely unsettling. He's got a smidgeon of realism to him because of the detailing they did provide, but he's also still totally fake looking because of the lack of details they forgot to include. But that mustache, those empty eyes, that schnoz, will forever be burned into my memory. Adolf Dhamer is a force to be reckoned with, if only because he absolutely defies any and all explanation, categorization and definition. Like both Adolf and Dhamer, he doesn't deserve to exist, nor does his existence provide humanity with any benefits, except maybe this blog post, and even that's questionable to call a "benefit".

Adolf Dhamer terrifies me. He should terrify all of you. He's coming for us. He's there, lurking in the night, waiting to scream in German before devouring our faces.

And there's nothing you can do to stop him.