Face Your Fears

Read #1 / Read #2 / Read #3 Welcome back to yet another installment of Vintage Mask Roundup! The only posts on this blog that may actually qualify as genuinely terrifying, despite every post featuring a somewhat grotesque mask in them. In case you're just joining us, you can read the previous 3 posts in this series just overhead, but the brief rundown is that we go through 5 different vintage photos of people wearing masks and, more or less, make fun of them. As we start the fourth round in this traditional segment, we have our very first contender right above, featuring what look like terrifying shrunken grandmas. Those masks are such perfectly encapsulated examples of uncanny valley that it's not even funny, and falls much more in the terrifying region. They look like people, but they're also just slightly off enough to make you wary and uncomfortable, and then, when put on top of what I can only assume are children being held against their will to model these sorts...

Imagine, if you will, that a Werewolf fucked a Lamprey, after a long night consisting of much alcohol consumption and poor decision making skills, and eventually had a baby. That baby would likely look something along the lines of whatever the fuck we're gonna call this thing. What's worse is how the heads get less...head like...the further up this totem pole of monstrosity you go and they begin to look something more akin to a John Carpenter creation. In fact, that's almost exactly what this reminds me of, now that I think of it. This is the dog from 'The Thing'. It isn't that multi-headed masks aren't normal, I see them every so often, but it's more that they're rarely intriguing enough to warrant an entire discussion. But this thing, this thing deserves an entire college thesis dedicated to it. With its grotesque suckerfish nose and it's horrifying yeti like head, it's a solid combination of many uncomfortable feelings, all of which get le...

"Vinny, get ova' 'ere," Bobby Bloodhead said, raising his martini to his friend as he sat at the bar beside him; he continued, "Vinny, you a good kid, you got a good 'ead on your shoulders, better than mine at least, cause it ain't all bloody and gross!" And with this they chuckled, Vinny - admittedly - a tad scared to laugh at his boss's joke, but Bobby reassured him it was fine. It was just a little playful banter. Bobby Bloodhead finished his drink and pulled out a pistol, setting it on the bar between them. "Vinny," he continued, "I see a real future for you, I do. But first there's somethin' that ya gotta do for me. Can you do somethin' for me, Vinny? I need you to take care of someone that's been causin' me lotsa trouble lately. His name..." Bobby Bloodhead lit a cigar and puffed off a few rings of smoke before sucking his cheek and grinning. "...is Robby Bloodhead, and he's my twin brotha...

Here's a question: can you gain weight from drinking someone's blood? Because if so, that's clearly what happened here. But to be honest, a vampire that looks like this is kind of way more terrifying. He's got a full figure, letting you know he doesn't stop drinking ever. He'll consume a whole ass person if he wants to. No shame. Gotta admire that kind of body acceptance. Though Fat Dracula really has too much neck. He's got like a quadruple chin. I don't say this as a way to make a fat joke, I say this because, as a person who admires masks, I'm curious how one would hide that aspect of it, or even if that's what you're intended to do. I don't know. Just seems like the mask goes on a bit too far down. I would feel claustrophobic in this bad boy, personally, but hey, that's just me. Personally, on a design level - aside from melting neck syndrome - I really love Fat Dracula. He's got a wonderful blue/greyish tint to him and those ...

It's October my friends, and that means it's time for a new Vintage Mask Roundup! This is a series on the blog where I cover 5 individual weird photos from the past featuring creepy vintage masks. If you're so inclined, you may read the first one here , and the second here . Now, onto the masks! First we have the image above, which is clearly of a toddler who has ripped off their grandfathers face and will now assume his identity. There's nothing too spooky about this picture, but I do still have questions nonetheless. Like why's the kid in a smock? Was that to shield from the torrential downpour of blood that came gushing out when they ripped of grandpas face? If so, that's some solid parenting. Children are hard enough to keep clean, am I right? If that isn't a smock, and instead part of the costume, and I'm willing to bet it is given how the childs head seems to be covered partially by it, I've got to ask then...what the actual fuck is this costum...