This Mother Fucker

 

 So, we need to have a talk.

I was doing some searching on eBay for potential new masks to cover, as I usually do every few months, when I came across this sale. They're charging 26 dollars for it (19.00 plus 6.00 shipping) and this was the only singular photo attached to the listing. I checked out the seller, who seems to have fairly good reputation, and they only had a handful of other masks for sale, plus a package of lightbulbs, a sealed box of toothbrushes and oh yeah a korean spicey ramen packet. Seems like a pretty legit seller, to be honest. There's virtually no description and in fact the vague semi description that does exist is just parroting the title of the listing itself, so.

And my first reaction when I saw this image was "This gives off an evil vibe". Everything about this photo is ominous. I don't generally do posts like these, I mean, I did do Fleshless Phyllis a while back which kind of touches on the same subject, but this is...I don't know, something about this is way worse than that was. For starters there's only the one photo, and it's like something you'd find at the bottom of a shoebox buried in the fireplace of an abandoned house. You'd be doing some urban exploration, as one does, and you'd find it and get all giddy and think of all the treasures that awaited you inside this tiny box. Priceless jewelry? A handful of diamonds? Gold dubloons? Who knows, maybe pirates lived there. They can't live on boats all the time, you know. Either way you attempt to pop the lid off the sucker before quickly realizing that it's sealed. Someone has taped the lid to the top of this shoebox, and for good measure, as you'll soon discover. Once you twist that box lid off you peer inside and all that sits in the darkness in front of you is this photo, of this mask, staring right back into your soul.

That sorta vibe, you know?

So when I saw this thing, I immediately felt uneasy. First of all, just the framing of it is unsettling for some reason. The way they're facing ever so slightly towards you, their eyes staring directly at the camera through those empty mask eyeholes. On top of that, their shirt for some reason has a recycling image on it, but I guess when you're a serial killer who chops people up and then disposes limbs across multiple state lines, that might count as recycling, sure. All jabbing aside, this mask is absolutely terrifying for the same reason that people fear the Michael Meyers mask. It's...empty. There's nothing there. There's some hair, there's an eyebrow and a half, along with a huge nose and some puffy lips, but there's no real discernible personality on this thing. This could be anyone, worn by anyone. If I woke up in the middle of the night and I went into my kitchen and I saw this fucking thing staring at me from out of the dead of the evening, I'd likely ask permission to shit myself before they killed me. Hell, I might even die by shitting myself out of fear. Who knows. All I know is that this is so blank, so painfully generic that that only adds to the terror of it. Featureless is a good way to put it. I mean, there's features, the eyes the nose the lips, but none of those make it any LESS terrifying.

But what REALLY freaks me out about this mask is the hair, man. That hair looks...real. Everything about this mask, when combined, makes me feel extremely uneasy but that hair really puts the nail in the coffin. My coffin, to be exact, the one they'll bury me in when this mask fucking kills me in a dark alley somewhere. And, much as I wish I had a few other photos of this thing to work with, I'm sort of...relieved that I DON'T. I don't want to look at this thing. It's like that creature from Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark. This thing makes me deeply unnerved. I MIGHT in fact be cursed now from having seen this picture, and you might be cursed by proxy, and for that I truly am sorry.

Kudos to whatever magician of the dark arts brought this monstrosity to life, because it's hands down the creepiest thing I've covered, and the photo does it damn good justice.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go barricade myself into a room made of steel with an unlocking door and eighteen shotguns so this thing can never, ever get to me.