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You've Got Beautiful Creature Features


A few weeks ago, when I was searching for new masks on eBay to cover on this blog. One of those masks that popped up was this guy right here, and immediately I was in love. Unlike any other mask I've seen, even the ones I haven't subjected you to yet, nothing caught my attention quite like this one. See, I'm a lady of particular tastes and interests. I love weird animals and creatures; stuff like anglerfish, dragons, dinosaurs. I just love shit like that. So this design? It appealed to everything I love instantaneously, and, unlike all the others on this blog, it didn't make me want to immediately recoil in disgust and then giggle in delight. No. Only solid delightful giggling went on with this bad boy.

Everything about this works. Rubber mask from the 80s/90s? Check. Wicked ass design of some deep sea fish or lizard beast mixed with a dinosaur? Check. Great color scheme and detailing? Check. He hit every single one the marks, and I loved him all the more for it. Hell, even the paint scratching only adds more character to him, gives him more of a "I've survived nuclear winter to feed off the flesh of your children" look. I am here for it. He's got fantastic eyes, shape and color, along with some bitchin' horns and those gnarly sets of jagged teeth, and he's got a tongue!

Just look at his little tongue, you guys. I am freaking out over his adorable tongue. That's such a minor detail that's so appreciated, let me tell you. Most mask designers don't even seem to think of stuff like that and how much more value and personality it can add to their creature. He's either super excited to greet you by licking your face like a dog when you come home from a long day out...or he's going to slide his acidic tongue across your face, smearing his venom all over you and thus pulling your flesh apart molecule by molecule. Frankly, I'm okay with either one. That's how much I love him.

I wanted to scratch his little scales and feed him treats, maybe the limbs of infants. Monstrous lizard fish creatures like infant limbs, right? That's what I've been told by sources close to them. I wanted to kiss his adorable little horn on the front of his head and tell him he's a good...whatever he is. I wanted to make this mask a reality and give it a place in my home to live.

And that's exactly what I fucking did.

Because, at an 8 dollar price mark, how could I turn him away? So I shelled out the 8 bucks and had him delivered post haste. He is now no longer just another mask on this blog that I gushed over, he's a living breathing entity upon my head. We are one, united in our common goal to rip the flesh from their bones and...I don't know, maybe make a nest of some kind? That's what weird creatures do, right? They make nests? With, like, all the corpses of their kills littered around it. Yeah. That's totally it. So I bought him, had him mailed to me and then, because I'm just a straight up weirdo, in case you couldn't tell yet, I did an entire photoshoot with him. You're welcome for the following images, which I hope either make you feel uncomfortable sexually or just plain uncomfortable. Either way is a win for me, frankly.










Now you've marveled at just how white and lame I am, but there it is. I've officially spent money on doing this blog now. I guess that means it's something I really love. Full transparency, I've loved every single mask that I've covered on this blog thusfar, so I wasn't really sure exactly what it was about this mask that stood above all the others as one I had to own (perhaps it was the price point, as most of these masks range from the twenty five dollar and up range, often reaching heights of 80 bucks) other than the things I already stated I liked about it, but god am I so happy that I bought this summabitch. He now sits on my desk, staring endlessly ahead at the void, so pleased to be home, wondering one day when he'll have a baby brother or sister to join him.

Soon, my child, soon.
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