The Horrors Of Castle Howlula

Since the dawn of time, we've loved mashing things up. Whether it's foods that don't belong together, like pineapple on pizza, or music genres like rap with classical, we love the concept of mashups. So, with that in mind, it only makes sense to finally begin mashing up classic horror concepts. This isn't a new thing, exactly, as it's been done for ages. Horror-comedies have been a genre since both have been invented, really, but not until this mask have I seen someone mashup two horror icons. Get ready, we're about to do the monster mashup. Werewolves and Vampires have always been separate, two distinct horror characters that each have their own set of rules and unique personality traits, and often times clash when brought together. Hell, for a long time the internet was obsessed with who was better, Pirates or Ninjas, but come 2010 that devolved into Vampires or Werewolves, mostly thanks to the unreadable text I refuse to acknowledge as literature called Twilight.

But to take the two and put them together, thusly creating one singular horrifying creature that draws from both and invents a wholly new even more terrifying monster? That's a first. Vampire Werewolf, as I've come to describe him, is a totally new and original concept as far as I can tell, and I for one am happy about this. It's not very often that we get new monster concepts that become a staple within the genre of horror itself, just like it's been decades since we've had a new candy bar become a staple within the candy industry. But I think there's a pretty good chance that Vampire Werewolf should get that acknowledgement. Think about it. Both creatures can only come out at night, both are vicious bloodthirsty killing machines, both are almost mythical, honestly, and yet nobody before this mask thought to put them together? It makes perfect sense. It's like stuffing the crust of pizza with more cheese. Why did that take us so long to come up with?

Plus, just look at him! He's so happy to be considered part of the horror canon now! Look at that goofy toothy smile, how could you deny him the chance to be a Halloween Horror Classic? It makes me happy to see a new creature, albeit a new creature created out of two pre-existing creatures, enter the horror lexicon. And while I recognize Vampire Werewolf likely won't become a staple in any Halloween stores, destined for greatness for centuries down the road, I at least appreciate that someone out there, for a brief moment in time, thought it was a cool idea to put these two things together and then did so. Thank you, random mask maker.

The design of this is pretty flawless. He's got your generic werewolf coloring; grey skin tone with red eyes, and his hair isn't anything to write home about either, color or design wise, but it gets the job done, so it's not really all that bad. He's got a big bulbous puppy nose, which is pretty cute, and his face is set in an eternal grin, which I appreciate because, frankly, if I looked this awesome I too would always be smiling. Someone did some great sculpting on this, and the classic vampire hood piece is a nice bright shade of red. If you pair this guy with a nice red and black cloak, maybe some big rubber wolf claws you find somewhere, you could have a pretty great costume on your hands. And again, I just want to reiterate how excellent it is that people are still trying to make new monsters if by just mashing two old monsters together to create one new supermonster.

That's a reality show I would watch. Americas Next Top Supermonster. Tell me you wouldn't watch that. Hosted by a resurrected Peter Lorre. God I'd watch that in a heartbeat.

And I recognize the corniness of the whole concept too. It does sound like something a ten year old boy would come up, ala Axe Cop, but I'm here for both of those, so. The unfortunate part of this monsters creation is that it makes us wonder about all sorts of new lore. Are they vampires most of the time and only a werewolf on full moons? Do they live in a castle? They are a vampire after all, right? How do you kill them? A stake in the heart or a silver bullet? Maybe a silver stake in the heart? Do they maul their victims like werewolves, or just steal little snacks here and there from beautiful socialites at ballroom parties? Let me tell you, you show up at a party wearing this bad boy? You're going home with somebody. Now the ladies don't have to choose which one they prefer, because you can be all in one! Guaranteed hook up technique. And don't you dare even try and tell me you wouldn't make out with Count Howlula.

He's not the most well made mask in the world, to be fair. He's got pretty standard sculpting and he's not very interesting color wise, so yeah, they didn't make the most out of their rubber medium, but it's okay because the concept is so fucking funny that I am willing to give them a pass on everything else. Hell, the last new concepts I can think of to become Halloween or horror staples would be Spirit's line of Undead Babies and Slenderman. And while I like Slenderman well and fine (I couldn't care less about the undead baby thing) it's nice to see something not only fresh but also just absolutely ludicrous, you know? Something that screams campy and doesn't take itself one iota seriously, and that's what Count Howlula does. And while Vampire Von Werewolfenstein isn't exactly, as I said before, going to necessarily become a staple, it's still nice to see people trying new things.

His ears and teeth and eyes are all pretty standard, and his hair is a nice mixture of black and grey. His eyes have got a nice red tint, his teeth are a good shade of yellow and the inside of his mouth is a beautiful shade of red. I just sort of wish they'd done more with the tone of the mask overall. That grey doesn't do much for me. I would've preferred black or maybe brown. Something a bit more realistic. And while I recognize that asking for realism within the confines of a concept such as Vampire Werewolf is fucking absurd, I still would've liked something more than matte zombie grey.

But overall, that's really the only complaint I can give this mask. Count Howlula is a breath of fresh air, honestly. I only wish that we could get more stuff like this. I know that I often extol the virtues of truly original concepts; new monsters or alien type creatures, horrors from another dimension, that sort of thing. But there's just something so truly kid worthy of Vampire Werewolf that deserves to be recognized. It really captures the imagination of a small child around Halloween. Something ridiculous and over the top, and yet still totally awesome and original. That's the beauty of Count Howlula really, is that despite being borne of two age old creatures, he can instill a real fear inside of you, especially if you're a ten year old kid. What's worse than just being shouted at? Being grounded for two weeks. What's worse than Halloween? Going to the dentist. What's worse than just a vampire or a werewolf?

I think you know the answer to that.