In Prickly Bill We Trust

I'm fairly certain this is the face that greets you once you die. Some call him God. Others call him Xenu. I, myself, call him Prickly Bill. No real reason other than he looks like a Prickly Bill. Either way, no matter what name you subscribe to, Prickly Bill is one thing, and that's thrilled to see you.

Just look at that smile on his face; those big buck teeth bulging from his gums! He's absolutely happy you've decided to spend the evening wearing his face over your face and thus granting him access to our mere mortal world, even if only ever briefly. His eyes are even bulging because he can't believe he's gotten so lucky to have your generosity to thank for being given a little while to linger in our universe over your head. Prickly Bill looks terrifying, but looks aren't everything, you know? He looks terrifying, sure, but deep down, is the god we should all seek to revere; a god of simultaneous beauty and disgust, a god of love and curiosity, a god of someone who likely should see a dentist because jesus Prickly Bill the spaces between your teeth cannot be healthy or easy to eat with.

What I really love about Prickly Bill, however, is simply the shape of his face. This almost oyster shaped bottom half and the distorted top half coming together to form on hell of a facial image. Surround that with the beautiful white hair and Prickly Bill is just as beautiful as you or me. More so, actually. We should be envious of his beauty, and happy he made us in his own, albeit lower quality, image. The shape of Prickly Bill's face just works so damn well. It's offputting yet at the same time somehow inviting, sort of mocking in a way, for us to approach and try and appease him. He pushes us away and draws us closer, a good quality for a god to have, if I may say so myself.

But in all seriousness, a cross between a Yeti and perhaps a disfigured and unshaven Dom DeLuise (and I mean that in a very loving way, I'm an enormous fan of both Dom and the Yeti's work...also Dom & The Yeti sounds like a fantastic indie film), the design of Prickly Bill is just absolutely wonderful. Playful is exactly the right word to use when describing him. He's playful. Even with his grotesque appearance, he gives off some sort of ET vibes, in the sense that you'd like to befriend him and hide him in your closet and dress him up like a...girl...and...wow, you know, ET is kind of a fucked up movie in hindsight. I never really thought about it before. What the fuck Spielberg. Either way, ET's metaphors for homosexuality being alien and misunderstood aside, Prickly Bill still gives off that vibe. Non frightening enough for kids in late elementary school to wear, cool enough for middle schoolers to wear and so over the top for high schoolers to find hilarious to wear, he really does appeal to all ages. Yes, Prickly Bill is a master class in mask design, and it makes me happy to have stumbled across this one.
There's nothing better than a monster design that's not inherently monstrous. Oh sure, I love body horror as much as the next girl, but I also love goofy monsters that look like they'd put you on their shoulders and ride around on them, scaring the bullies away from you so you can keep your lunch money. It's just the kinda gal I am.

Prickly Bill is also one of the few designs that I've covered that has aged extremely well. Awesome as Brainiac Suckerface or Grubby may be, and Grubby still holds up better than Brainiac sad to say but still nowhere near as well as Prickly Bill here, they do look somewhat dated and not as just overall real as Prickly Bill does. He captures a true sense of reality within him, and I think that's what I like best about him. Is how real he appears to be. If you saw Brainiac Suckerface or Grubby, you'd know they were monsters or aliens or somehow otherworldly. But Prickly Bill? This sucker could live in the woods behind your house and you would never know until you saw him one day while on a camping trip with some friends. That's fantastic. Nothing sells horror, even pseudo horror, like a basis in reality.

So well done Prickly Bill and his designers, whoever they may be. We don't have a tag or any sort of identification for this one so I'm unable to look up his producing company, and that makes me a bit sad as I'm curious what other absolute mother fucking gems they put out during their peak years. But at least, for one girl at least, you have a smash hit right here with good ol' Prickly Bill, the gentle giant of the forest monster gods.

Now drop to your knees, clasp your hands together and pray. Pray to Prickly Bill. For I have seen the face of the lord, and he is fuzzy and grinning.